A Learner's Permit In Speaking Up

I have so much I want to say about this recent eclipse portal and all the changes that took place in the last half of August. Life continues to get more weird and wonderful all the time, but this two week window of transformation truly turned up the volume.  

It began with a strange night where I woke up several times, and each time between sleeping and waking I heard a voice say, You’re being upgraded. You need grounding. 

At first I thought, Oh yay! Upgrading! This is going to be lovely. Maybe I’ll be feeling so transcendent, I’ll need to ground myself just so I can still function in day to day life.

How precious. And oh, how wrong.  

The sacred mushrooms taught me last winter that grounding means allowing yourself to be held by the beauty of the natural world. They also revealed how important grounding will be as systems of control continue to crumble around us. Regular grounding is essential for our nervous systems to feel safe in this wild west 3D incarnation experience.  

Grounding = safety 

So when Spirit tells you that you’re about to need some grounding, well…as my dear friend/goddess Shelley says, it’s time to double buckle.  

Like many of us, it’s not unusual for me to feel intensely uncomfortable during eclipse season. In the past, I’ve simply experienced it as a general energy of chaos. This time around, however, it didn’t take long for me to see a pattern emerging. Like the time I lived near the woods and my cat proudly brought live snakes and rodents into the house for me to fish out from under the couch, it seemed as if every day brought a new opportunity to face my fears and insecurities, particularly around having difficult conversations and sharing my truth with the people I care about. 

I did my best to procrastinate and put off these conversations until some undefined later time, but my soul had different plans. Spirit would ensure they ended up front and center, bringing them squirming and wriggling right to my front door. It seemed that the “upgrade” I’d received was an opening of my throat chakra. I was granted a learners permit in speaking up for myself, and it was time to take it for a test drive. 

I didn’t always handle it very well. Sure, I spoke openly and honestly, which is indeed a new and wonderful area of growth for me, but I came out swinging more than once. So in addition to sharing difficult truths, I also had many opportunities to practice emotional regulation and repair.  

Just like anyone else, I’m not there yet. I’m still learning that I can speak my truth without letting fear lead the conversation. And that’s where grounding comes in. Remember that grounding = safety for our jangled, tightly wound nervous systems.  

When you’ve lived life up to this point experiencing major consequences for speaking out or standing up for yourself, it makes sense to have parts that are terrified. So as much as I want to banish the belligerent part of me, I can understand why she’s losing her shit and why she feels the need to lead the charge in helping me use my voice.  

She fully believes that speaking truth = danger.  

I’m so grateful to Spirit for showing me this part of myself that needs more love and understanding. For, when I can open up my heart and offer compassion to myself, I can hold that vibration and offer it to the world.  

Committing to a path of spiritual awakening means learning to love and integrate every part of yourself. Yes, the synchronicities and mysterious dreams and messages are wonderful, but facing and embracing our shadow is the true treasure, the rocket fuel that brings us to a higher level of consciousness.  

This eclipse portal was challenging, but challenges are opportunities to recognize our normal patterns, to soothe the parts of ourselves that are operating out of survival and scarcity, and to choose a different path.

Things are getting spicy out there (which is really just a mirror for the spiciness within). So I'll continue doing what feels natural to me and writing about my own awakening process in the hope that it resonates with you. Please feel free to write me back. I love reading and responding to your messages!